Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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