it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
Randomize
