I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
