so explain again why im purple
no
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
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