My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Randomize