and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
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