we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
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