2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
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