Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Randomize
