there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
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