Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
