Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize