It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
