Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Randomize
