hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
Randomize
