he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
Did we literally take a cab across the street
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
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