I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Randomize
