His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Randomize
