R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
