I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
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