is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
