I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
Of course I have a pirate flag
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
Randomize