I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
Randomize
