kristin has been a bad kristin
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
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