Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
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