im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Randomize
