sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
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