getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
