she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize