Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
I have peed in a lot of sinks
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
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