shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
Randomize
