ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Randomize
