He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Randomize
