I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
Dignity is for republicans.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
