that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Randomize
