I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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