Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
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