i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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