your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
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