I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
I am one with the molecules
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
