Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
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