maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
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