I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
