he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
