i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Randomize
