My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize