My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
Randomize
