I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Randomize
