last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
Randomize
