I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
