I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Randomize
