if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Randomize
