you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Randomize
