His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
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