What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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