Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
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