I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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