I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Randomize
