I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
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