you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
