i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize