wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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