I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Randomize
