Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
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