I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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