he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
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