Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
Randomize
