It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
Randomize
