birth control should be required to get into college
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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