he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
