Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
I like to think it a success when the cops are called
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
