Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
