How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
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