I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
