yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Randomize
