So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
Randomize
