3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
Randomize
