its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
I wish there were birth control emojis
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
Randomize