She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
