i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
