You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
