I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
